My son’s Bar Mitzvah at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, January 4th 2018

Although I am back now in Pittsburgh slowly reintegrating into the greater Jewish Diaspora, spending two weeks in Jerusalem, Israel to celebrate my son’s Bar Mitzvah in January 2018 at the Wailing Wall had deeply reawakened feelings of feeling an Israeli expat. It confirmed to me what I always knew – that Israel will always be my heart home.

 

For my son who is growing up in America, this trip was the experience of a lifetime to get to intimately know his people, religion, and country.

For the eleven days of our stay in our beloved Israel, I got to revisit feelings associated the “sandy” qualities of my Israel home which I also write about in my new memoir Sand and Steel: The Spiritual Journey Home.

For the Israeli expat in me, those sandy qualities represent the ability to be amenable and adaptable similar to how sand changes its physical qualities when mushed with water.

An immigrant or expat must always learn to live in ambiguity.

 

The age old question an immigrant or expat like me will always ask no matter what side of the Atlantic Ocean s/he is writing from: Where am I and when? Who am I and why?

And while Israel will never replace our Pittsburgh home, the experience of visiting as an expat legitimized my need to write about home. Here are the top 4 things I learned from my trip about how visiting Israel has helped me write about my home — in this case, the journey of leaving one home and settling in the American home.

 

1. To write about home as an expat, you have to be willing to revisit feelings of being split between lands. You become the bridge between two countries. This takes courage because the heart wants to be loyal to one country and place. And yet, an immigrant turned expat like me, just doesn’t have that luxury.

 

2. To write about home as an expat, you have to stay curious.

Courage needs curiosity and curiosity takes courage. 

 

 

An Israeli officer giving her soldiers some treats and a personalized note after finishing a difficult training course at a swear-in ceremony at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.

Case in point: At the rampart walk down to the City of David, we stopped to take a video of a local performer who sang to a group of newly inducted Golani brigade Israel Defense Forces soldiers what it feels like to be alone and gather the inner strength to deal with your troubles and fears.

At another moment where 10,000 IDF soldiers were worn in at a special ceremony at the wall, a female soldier As an expat in Pittsburgh away from family, to see this in action was both reassuring and welcoming. It reminded me what keeps the country tethered and why it’s so hard to not stay connected.  Having served twenty-five years earlier in the IDF and lived to write about it in my award-winning memoir Accidental Soldier, it was as if this performer was speaking directly to my soul.

I found myself leaning into both these moments as an expat because I had remembered so fondly how my officers tried to emotionally bolster and support me during challenging times. As a mother now to a teenager, I challenged myself to stay open to those feelings and cross-checked my son who was witnessing the deep connection between soldiers and began to understand why the IDF is the heart and soul of Israel and for the many Americans who live outside Israel. In America, by contrast, soldiers are not seen as integral and vital to the nation.

3. To write about home as an expat, you don’t need to force yourself to choose one culture over another even though it sometimes feels these feelings become complicated as an expat.

 

In Israel, you are Israeli first and Jewish second, but in America, it’s the other way around. For the last 10 years, our home has been in America. When we entered Israel on January 2nd 2018, we entered as Israeli citizens knowing that we were coming as tourists. Throughout the trip, I was pleasantly surprised to see how my son’s “proud Jew” attitude started emerging:

  • At the kotel he sang Benny Friedman’s version “Ivry Anochi,” in front of all the Israeli soldiers and religious Haredim.
  • He spoke Hebrew with family and interviewed his father about his Iraqi roots in Israel, which was pretty cool. 
  • He roamed throughout the old city and ordered food at our local Coffix in the old city of Jerusalem in Hebrew
  • He munched on a falafel as he waved “ahalan” to Shimon, the store owner.

These experiences all taught me one thing – 

 

 

My son was learning to integrate the “social” parts of his Israeli culture with his American identity and that only comes from experiential learning.

Integrating both identities is part of the process of staying connected.

Home – it’s easier to feel you’re at home when you’re connected even if you’re in America as an expat. Home in Israel is not just a physical address, a zip code. It’s a cultural state of being. A deeper spiritual feeling of expression. And when i embrace this place, it’s easier to write about home.

This special Bar Mitzvah trip for our son has opened doors to my Jewish and Israeli identities and even though I’m many miles away from my beloved Israel, the adventures of an expat continue.

Israel lives in the language, culture and the way I’ve chosen to re-immerse myself in and my family with a renewed connection to Judaism as Israeli-Americans. And in this way, it’s easier to write about leaving home in Sand and Steel from my American home.