About halfway through our service on Shitim, a settlement in the middle of the Arava desert, the Israeli garin announced a theme night called, “An Evening for Love,” and I decided to contribute a musical solo by singing 2 well-known songs – “What I Did For Love” from the movie and Broadway hit musical “A Chorus Line” and “Summertime.” Originally, I thought about singing the love song, “More” from the musical, “Mondo Cane,” but I didn’t think it was “jumpy” enough and I didn’t want to be reminded of my audition days when my mom accompanied me as part of our practice. That was the song that also got me into the Fame school in NYC.

Nobody knew from the Israeli garin and my garin of new immigrants that I had studied vocal music at the prestigious FAME School known today as Laguardia High School of Music and the Arts behind Lincoln Center. All they knew was that I came from Manhattan, NYC. Many had never been out of Israel and wanted to travel to the USA their entire lives. Now I was giving voice by actually singing in English on this foreign settlement.

Still, the repertoire choice was challenging. Finding a middle ground meant deciding whether to sing Italian arias which was my musical training or well-known popular songs, which I had some experience. All throughout High School, I was trained to singing classically and in Italian, Spanish, French and German.

With all my years studying voice, I never stepped into the spotlight as a classical music soloist yet music, especially musical theater, was one thing that allowed me feel free. At I.S.70, a middle school located in Chelsea, right in the heart of the slums of New York City in the early eighties, the only place I could truly feel free was at Musical Theater with Ms. Bone.

I would rehearse the role of “Violet” for the musical, “The Roar of the Greasepaint – the Smell of the Crowd.” For a few rare glorious moments on stage, I would feel my voice uplifting me. I had a light timber that first amused then captivated Ms. Bone. She laughed because she knew the way I sang was perfect for my character, Violet. I followed all the right notes making sure I was on key. I climbed the scales up  up and up. I was light…as a feather! I was standing in the spotlight. I was free!

At Music and Art – the “FAME, I wanna live forever” school, Ms. Del-Valle, my chorus teacher, asked us to rehearse the opening part of Verdi’s Requiem for one of our stage performances. It was so easy to get lost in a chorus with 80 other high school freshman. But the problem was that sometimes, we weren’t always on key!

“NO, NO, NO!” Ms. Del-Valle would shout. “You’re doing it all wrong!” She swayed her arms left to right like a monkey, then pumped them up with emotion and feeling, so the soloists would be able to lead US with emotion and feeling. But the facial expressions of the two boys and girls standing in front of us on the raised platform remained lifeless, expressionless.

Why didn’t I audition for the part of the soloists? I would often think to myself. I wanted to kick myself over and over  and over and over again. Partly because they couldn’t hit the notes well and partly because they couldn’t sing with emotion.

Often, I could feel the music jamming in my veins. My voice would fill with passion. I scooted to the front of the seat as if I was a passive onlooker, an observer. I continued to kick myself every time Ms. Del-Valle screams, “more emotion!” The soloists’ faces remained motionless. As soon as Ms. Del-Valle would scream, she would scare the soloist part of my voice away again.

In May 1990, I went on a musical tour with my SUNY chamber ensemble for a month throughout Czechoslovakia and the Former USSR before emigrating to Israel. Again, we sang in four part harmonies a variety of ballads, madrigals and a few arias that had been developed for four part harmonies. Unlike the days at Laguardia, we were a much smaller group and had sung for smaller crowds at the US embassy and a variety of churches.

So after all these years singing music, I was a now a “soloist” practicing in the hot desert sun in the very lumpy desolate field with the smell of lumpy tomatoes sticking to the air. I could hear my voice carrying throughout the desert but not in the same way as it would be in a concert hall.

Up until that point, I had been learning the words and lyrics as an American soldier in the Israel Defense Forces to well-known Hebrew songs the Israeli garin would blast their voices to, but I had no clue as to what I was singing.

On my own practice sessions, I had tried to find the key so I could at least practice which was hours before my “showtime.” No pitch-pipe and no keyboard or piano to help so I did everything intuitively. I didn’t even have the sheet music. I didn’t even know of Google then. So I did the best I could by memory.

So many thoughts went through my mind at the time. Can I actually do this? Will they laugh at me? And of course, would I be able to truly sing on key? And what will my commanding officers think?