By the time I was inducted in the Israel Defense Forces on February 12, 1991, I was already making space for “something new,” — learning to coexist with an Israel culture as an American, and yet, I was running on “something borrowed” which turned out to be stale girlhood energy from years past.
I’m a 19 year old American-Israeli who had the foresight to listen to the rational voice of my father and leave my overly anxious mother driven to contain me with her fears — mainly those about Israel. We all know how a caged animal feels – its spirit strives to be free and what we don’t understand, become the source of constant frustration.
Beyond the early struggle trying to fit in with this new culture, in the back of my mind, I was hoping the IDF would set me straight without the hard-core influences and fears of Israel that consumed my mother. At least that was my vision when I contemplated serving in the army on the other side back in New York City.
And so, at our final 18 kilometer march to earn our beret and tags at Base Camp 80, a huge camp for Nahal soldiers, our unit that combined agragrian and military work, I pondered just how I would get along with my “enemy” – a Russian who emigrated from the former Soviet Union just a few weeks before me. She resented getting inducted and couldn’t understand why an American like myself would spent 2.5 years in uniform let alone emigrate to Israel. She was a thorn in my side. I was a thorn in hers. She complained at any additional labor or task and I resented being her tag-a-long knowing she was the less mature of us. I’d always be the first one to deal with her unpleasantries. I never had a friend like her back in the States, so why in heck’s name was I stuck with her now?
Do You Have the Courage to Be a Leader?
Svetlana didn’t have the interest to help someone else without growling or complaining. On that day, she was my enemy. I couldn’t tolerate her. I hated her. I wanted her to disappear. How could we have the fortitude to get through such a grueling march knowing she would complain and nit-pick at any minute? I was sure that she’d be complaining about me, hurling expletives and curse words in Russian I couldn’t understand because of something she didn’t like that I was doing.
The Courage to See Your Enemy Differently
As it turns out, during the most critical period of the march, I broke down physically and emotionally. And Svetlana turned out to be my savior. Here’s an excerpt from the chapter 17, “Green Beret” from my memoir Accidental Soldier: A Memoir of Service and Sacrifice in the Israel Defense Forces and you can now pre-order your copy.
From Chapter 17, “Green Beret”
Dust, dirt, and flies are everywhere. I vow to keep up with my group, carrying Svetlana on the stretcher until we reach the starting point again, which I can now see in the near distance. When we finally get there, I catch my breath just long enough for Svetlana to hop off. Another soldier takes her place.
There’s no way I’m going to mess up this opportunity, I tell myself fiercely. Giving up is not an option.
Just a few meters past the starting point, however, the pain is more than I can bear. Is this psychological? I’m practically sick at the thought of not finishing, but I hear myself saying the dreaded words in Hebrew, “Ani lo ichola yoter—I can’t go on any farther!”
Svetlana hears me, and to my great surprise, instead of shooting me a dirty look, she grabs me by the arm and pulls me forward.
I dig in with everything I have and pick up the pace.
“Boi, Dorit, boi—c’mon, Dorit, c’mon!” she shouts. We’re at nearly ten kilometers now, and my side muscles ache with an intense, jabbing pain. I don’t know how I can possibly finish, no matter how badly I want it, and no matter how grateful I am for Svetlana’s support.
“Ani lo yichola yoter!” I cry again. This time, I mean it.
Svetlana grabs my gun and any of the medical supplies she can carry as we try to keep up the pace. “Boi, Dorit, boi! You can do it. You have to do it!”
Having the Courage to be the Change
Almost immediately after this ordeal, we both transformed. I saw in Svetlana a caring humane individual though my fears mainly took over until the point when we cracked under pressure, and by then, I knew that we had no choice but to work together.
Courage to be the Change
Getting over your fears is not a “before” and “after” job. We just got to jump in and do it otherwise, we get stuck in perfection paralysis. Like the Nike commercial goes, “Just do it!” And the fear will ebb and flow.
What a wonderful excerpt. It gave me goose bumps to see how this woman you disliked become your main support. Just goes to show.
Wow! Thank you so much Francene for sharing your personal response with me. This means so much for me to know!
I like the quote and that’s generally how I feel when things go wrong.
Hi, Nick,
Which quote were you specifically referring to?