Yesterday was a big day for me as an author. NINE (yes, nine!) boxes of books were fork-lifted from a semi-trailer containing 278 books of my soon-to-be released memoir Accidental Soldier: A Memoir of Service and Sacrifice in the Israel Defense Forces. I felt a rush of emotions. With excitement and a thrill leading the way.
And when I finally allowed the excitement to settle in, I started feeling a certain heaviness that had been shadowed by the day’s excitement.
It had to do with money. Yes, money.
Last fall, my husband and I talked about what this book would mean for us financially. We both decided that he would support my efforts to write and promote my books, but I wouldn’t touch any of our retirement funds or personal savings (or the children’s) for any of the publicity, publishing or marketing costs.
That got the wheels spinning.
I was determined to do anything it would take to pay the monthly publicity retainers, upfront publishing and marketing and printing costs.
Anything. God forbid I touch my children’s savings. God forbid.
So here’s what I did:
- I liquidated my 401K. All of it.
- I used my tax refund.
- I wrote articles for The Writer.
- I ran a crowdfunding project that some might say was successful, but it definitely had its lessons.
- I taught memoir writing workshops at the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts
- I taught blogging courses through Wow! Women on Writing!
But as it turned out, those decisions wouldn’t pay all the monthly expected (and unexpected bills) for the course of the year.
I’d have to come up with a plan B. And fast.
Determined again not to touch any family savings, I starting seeking out clients day and night.
I applied for freelance writing gigs as a copywriter. I wrote copy for crowdfunding landing pages for start ups. I picked up a memoir writing client. As a content specialist, I wrote blog posts and articles. And in the process, I honed my copywriting skills which came in handy for promoting my own memoir.
And for a number of months, the money was good. I could hardly believe my good fortune that I didn’t have to touch any of our personal family savings. Bills were paid pretty much on time. And once again, I breathed in the knowledge that everything was okay.
Then one by one, clients stopped knocking at my door. It was weird, inexplicable, strange.
Suddenly the cash register wasn’t ringing anymore.
And the months it took to finally feel comfortable and stable financially paying all these publishing expenses, I found myself exactly at point A.
At my usual coffee shop retreat, I checked out my business account. $5.00. I knew I had fewer work assignments from clients, but I had no idea that amount was that low! It had been months since my account had seen a balance that low.
It wasn’t even enough for a bagel with cream cheese and a coffee.
I had reached now rock bottom. How the heck did this happen?
I put on my sunglasses, so no-one would see the tears streaming.
Every single penny I earned went to publishing, publicity and marketing. Not on myself and clothes. Not on a movie. Or special event.
Why? Why was this happening?
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Sometimes living as an author is HARD. I stared at that computer screen wondering how the heck would I replenish our bank account?
As I am deeply grateful to be a published author of my own story, I am finding myself struggling with courage. I’m the “courage lady’ for crying out loud. I interview authors and entrepreneurs about their courage story and here I am… struggling. Answers don’t readily show up. I felt myself swimming in chaos, lack of focus, and confusion.
Where would I get the courage to put myself out on the line like that?
I wish I could create a magic pill that would erase the discomfort I’m currently feeling.
Some of the most uncomfortable times of my lives are happening now. Not during the writing of the memoir. (Man, that was a PARTY!)
Side note — I am a positive person — often seeking and finding the MOST optimistic outlook on life.
And — even with that OPTIMISM and COURAGE putting both my book and myself on the line, life still thows me reality checks.
As authors working with partnership publishers or with the self-published route, we feel the financial pressure. It can be insanely intense.
Say this mantra with me. Say it loud. Say it strong.
We grow from every situation.
We grow from every experience.
These are the words I give myself in my moment and to you.
As you wonder how the heck you’re going to make the return on your investment, hang on. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow could be your turning point.
Breathe with me. Believe with me.
Stay the track of courage and faith to make your author journey happen.
It’s not your job to know what is your next step. Instead, it is your job to trust and know that you have the resource and opportunity to discover what is next when the right moment reveals itself.
Believing with you!
Connect with Dorit